Sunday, April 10, 2011

Necessary Venting/Purging

The past few days have been emotionally "touch and go" with me. I've been more quiet and withdrawn lately without really knowing why. Then it hit me the other day that I am alone. And not alone in the sense that I don't have anyone standing by me....I've got that in spades and am deeply appreciative for my friends and family. I am alone in the sense that I no longer have a "partner" to plan things with. I don't have someone to dream of my future with anymore....nobody to tease about growing old together and give random kisses to as we pass each other in our busy days. It's damn depressing. And then the stress of having to find another vehicle (after mine was repossessed), a new place to live in order to accomodate an 11 year old little girl, and trying to find another (better paying) job so that we can survive....my head was ready to explode last night. After spending about 45 minutes on a local selling site last night looking for said vehicle...and not finding anything that had a running motor, good transmission, something that actually ran....I wanted to curl up and cry myself into oblivion. I knew that wouldn't do me (or anyone else) any good though, so I cleaned. I cleaned my bathroom, my dresser, nightstand and my altar. I rearranged the dresser and altar so that everything flows better. And bagged up a ridiculous amount of trash. I feel a lot better now....so good in fact that I'm going to continue this trend through the rest of the house (as much as possible). I need to finish packing up the ex's stuff so that I can get that out of my house quickly. I feel like I'm at a crossroads in my life....and feeling it is totally different from knowing. I've known I've been a crossroads for some time now. I'm just now getting around to actually feeling it. One part of me is terrified of it and the other part is mildly curious as to what we'll do next. Wish me luck....I think I might need it.

8 comments:

MidnightSage said...

Part of me wants to say I'm so sorry and part of me wants to say You Go Girl!! Its seems that you've had an epithamy. I think cleaning and reorganizing does a person good. Gets you focused on something else and while your cleaning you can brainstorm. My thoughts are with you sweetie and things ALWAYS have a way of working out and coming together. A complete fresh start can be exciting and just what the dr. ordered. :) Glad you have a big suppot system also, that helps a ton.

Witchy Godmother said...

Wishing you luck as you asked but I have a strong feeling that you are going to be just fine. Hugs and sparkles.
WG

Linda in New Mexico said...

Good for you for doing the physical cleaning to re direct energy. It always feels good to have control over that part of our existence. It sounds like you've got yourself a "new start" attitude and also like you have the capability to follow through. It's hard, put anything worthwhile is. Keep on keepig on. The Olde Bagg

The Traveler said...

I know the feeling. Cleaning and rearranging things always helps me to clear my head too. You guys are going to embark on an awesome adventure.

Just A Gal said...

Ouch! I've been through all of that. The repossession, the finding of a new place...the whole nine. Stay strong, girl. I know you can do it. Putting one foot in front of the other and focusing your energies on what you can change is absolutely what you should be doing. Kudos! I will light a red candle for you--for courage. HUGS!

Bella Foxglove said...

I find that cleaning is a good way to redirect that energy into something useful. Especially when I am angry, i will clean like crazy!

I know it is scary and I kind of want to say sorry, but at the same time this is a whole new opportunity for you and I hope you will share with us as you start down a new fork in the path!

Ms Lilypads said...

Things will work out fine.

Rue said...

Wishing you so much luck and every good thing for you and your daughter!

I am a firm believer that getting rid of things makes room for new energy and blessings. Happy organizing!