Friday, February 18, 2011

You can come out now....

Ok, break time is over. I can't stand it anymore. I thought I needed silence...but really I need an outlet for my brain. I've thought about doing the 750 words site for all this (and truth be told, I probably will do that too) but I want to share this here. Just because the more I share this with people the better I feel.

My husband is a jackass. He's a lying, cheating bastard. And I mean that quite literally. We've been together almost six years, married for almost five and I found out the day before Valentine's Day that he cheated on me. He betrayed me. He lied about it. Asshole. And he did it with someone he works with....someone who dared to call me a friend. Ho-bag.

Yeah...I'm angry. I'm hurt. I feel so many emotions and feeling coursing through my brain over the past week that most of them don't even have names at this point...they just are. We are currently separated and I have no idea if I'm ever going to be able to forgive him for this. The general consensus of most of my friends is that I should file for divorce....yesterday. LOL. I love them for that. Unfortunately (or not...depending on how you look at it), he's still paying all the bills. Well...his money is. I have full access to his money and I pull it out as needed and pay what I need to pay. I even went out yesterday and bought myself $60 worth of new bras. And today I'm getting shoes for work....on his dime. So, this could work out to my advantage in some respect. *sigh* I don't know.

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to deal with all this. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to feel or say or believe anymore. I'm just very, very tired.

So...there you have it. An abbreviated version of what's been going on the past week. I'm going to give myself over the weekend to deal with it some more and then we will be back to our regularly scheduled line-up on Monday.

Love and tea-cozies!


LyndaB said...

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this - there is just no way this is ever easy. From experience, this is where you learn a lot about how everything is a spiral (heh)... you'll feel lost..then angry...then ok... then relieved...then lost...

Just to say give yourself a LOT of time to process and feel what you need to feel, and know that it's not 'get through it and be done'. Make decisions you need to make early to protect yourself, and then give yourself however much time you need to make the permanent decisions.

And now that you've bought the work shoes, go get yourself some I'm-A-Kickass-Woman shoes too. Because you are. :)

Maggie said...

I've only recently found your blog, lurking mostly. I enjoy your writing and I really hope that everything works out for the best for you.

Dark Mother said...

I am so sorry....I have no advice to give because every marriage and relationship is unique, just like every person. I hope it works out for the best, whatever that outcome needs to be.

Also, as an aside, there are some beautiful crochet bags on ETSY that might be fitting to carry his balls around in.

(I handle painful serious situations with awkward humor)

Wendy said...

Grrrrr....I'm really sorry that you're having to deal with such B.S. It's easy for others to tell you what to do in situations like this. But obviously there's a lot of gray areas that need to be sifted through before you come to any major moves. I would recommend finding a good therapist just for YOU where you can feel safe to vent all your feelings, have a person who's not so invested in what you'll do and just give yourself time to feel all the pain you're going through before you decide what is best for you. Again, I'm so sorry that your husband has treated you so horribly.