Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Reverb10: Days 21-25

Day 21: Future Self - Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Author: Jenny Blake)

Don't be afraid of success. That's how you ended up 30, without a college degree, and working a menial day job (no matter how much fun it is). Get up off your ass and do something with your life girly. Have fun...there is no need to live like an arthritic old lady with no friends. You know how to have fun....get out there and do it.

Day 22: Travel - How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year? (Author: Tara Hunt)

By car.....strictly by car. And that's how I will continue to travel. I don't do planes very well (not without an anti-anxiety pill and alcohol) and I'm land locked so boats are pretty much not an option here. I can attempt to walk places more often....the grocery store could be a venture at some point. :) I want to explore some more areas in my state....that would be fun I think.

Day 23: New Name - Let's meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why? (Author: Becca Wilcott)

Hi, my name is Laura. I have no desire to change my name or anything like that.

Day 24: Everything's OK - What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? How will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead? (Author: Kate Inglis)

I'm not sure I've had one of those moments....I'll have to get back to you on that.

Day 25: Photo - A present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of yourself from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where and what it best reveals about you.

I love this picture of myself....I'm at the lake for Lammas with a bunch of friends and I was having an awesome day. I'm happy....I feel physically fabulous and I'm standing in water, which makes me feel whole and complete and at peace with everything in the world.

Reverb10: Days 16-20

**Ok...I've been slacking big time on this blog thing...time to kick it into gear and get some stuff done.**

Day 16: Friendship - How has a friend changed you or your prespective on the world this year? Was this change gradual or a sudden burst? (Author: Martha Mihalick)

I have this friend who I've gotten pretty damn close to over the past year. She helps to keep me sane when I feel like I'm about to lose my brain. Seriously...she's awesome. She helps to keep me calm when all I want to do is smack some poor schmuck in the back of the head for breathing funny in my general direction. I am truly blessed to have someone like her in my life and I hope that we continue to be friends for the rest of our days.

Day 17: Lesson Learned - What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? How will you apply this lesson going forward? (Author: Tara Weaver)

To not take life so damn seriously all the time. I'm a type A personality and have this whole viewpoint on life that things need to get done before they are supposed to be and that I have to be this whole "responsible, mature, productive member of society". I have recently learned that I don't need to be this way.....I have leaned to cut loose from time to time and just have fun. The bills will still get paid, the housework will still get done and yes (even if it hurts) I can go to work on three hours of sleep. LOL

Day 18: Try - What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did/didn't go for it? (Author: Kaileen Elise)

I want to do more stuff....travel, crafts, blogging. I want to have more fun. I want to have adventures and feel alive :) Last year my mom asked me if I wanted to spend a week with her in Santa Rosa, NM for Spring Break vacation. I surprised her, and myself, by saying hell yeah. I went and had an absolute blast. I had time away from my husband, the roommate (previous to the one I have now), the job and the cats. It was awesome.....and I want to do it again soon.

Day 19: Healing - What healed you this year? Was it sudden or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allen)

This year was full of healing moments for me. I think the one that sticks out in my head the most is when me and two friends went down to Texas in October to revisit the site where we released our friend's ashes. Charles is his name....he passed away in August of 2009 from a combination of heart failure and acute mylositic (sp?) luekemia. He was an awesome individual. He was funny and compassionate, strong and sensitive and gay as a three dollar bill. He was my shoe shopping buddy and my thrift store companion. He was my Monday morning coffee and donut eating champion. He was one of my best friends and not a day goes by that I don't think of him. When he passed away I was devestated. I felt hurt, angry and betrayed by the Gods. I know now that he is in a better place....a place without pain, sickness or any of the other negative conotations that we hold about mortality. I know that even as I write this he's sitting in the Summerlands having a blast....playing gin and drinking sweet tea with his favorite people in the world (his mom and grandmother). Charles was the best gay boyfriend a girl could have.....and I will cherish his memory my entire life. I love you Charles...and I'll see you on the flip side.

Day 20: Beyond Avoidance - What should you have done this year but didn't because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy, or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell)

The year of 2010 was supposed to be my year to start living healthy....I attempted to quit smoking (failed), I attempted to eat better and drink less sugary soda (failed). I even attempted to start up my yoga practice and getting up and moving more.....epic fail. So....if at first you don't succeed...try, try again. I am bound and determined to get this extra weight off before I'm diagnosed as a diabetic or worse. Wish me luck with that.....

Reverb10: Days 11-15

Day 11: Eleven Things - What eleven things does your life not need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these things change your life? (Author: Sam Davidson)

Negativity, Self-Criticism, Self-Doubt, Clutter, Procrastination, Laziness, Excuses, Fast Food, Excessive Tech Time, Stuff, Self-Hatred.

I'm sure you will notice a theme here....basically I have issues being very negative to myself and I just have to stop doing that. I am a lazy witch and must stop. I just have to stop.....I could sit here and try to say that I don't have time or I'm too tired but that's just a lot of bull. I spend too much time on the computer and in front of the TV and it needs to come to a halt. I desire to be more crafty (in both ways), I have a desire to be healthier and more physically fit and I'm just plain out of excuses. So....I'm going to get off my butt and do something about it.

Day 12: Body Integration - This year, when did you feel most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn't mind and body but just a single, cohesive YOU, alive and present? (Author: Patrick Reynolds)

I am sad to say that I can't recall a moment that I felt most integrated with my body. Sad isn't it??? Let's see if I can do that next year.....here's hoping.

Day 13: Action - When it comes to aspirations, it's not about ideas. It's about making ideas happen. What's your next step? (Author: Scott Belsky)

To get up and do something. No more lazy tea witch for me.

Day 14: Appreciate - What's the one thing you have come to appreciate the most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it? (Author: Victoria Klein)

My friends. I grew up in the military and spent most of my teen years moving around. I was never in a place long enough (neither were my friends) to form any deep lasting relationships with anyone. Granted...I have a friend of my family that I've known for practically my entire life and another friend that I have managed to keep in touch with (despite years of silence on both ends...mostly due to all my moving). But now, at the age of 30, I am glad to say that I have a support system in my life. I have people who give a damn about me and my family and I care about theirs. I have a godson and several psuedo nieces and nephews. I love them all and would do practically anything for them. And they know it....

Day 15: Five Minutes - Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010. (Author: Patti Digh)

In no particular order.....Friends, love, peace, family, food, parties, new experiences and opportunities, excitement and happiness. Learning and letting go. Feeling and sharing.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Reverb10: Days 6-10

Day 6: Make - What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make but need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)

Outside of the occasional meal in the kitchen, I can't recall the last thing that I've made. I've gotten incredibly lazy where my crafty side is concerned. We're not talking procrastinating lazy...just plain lazy, lazy. I claim to not have time to be crafty...but that's a lot of bull (and my Treasure Isle level shows that). I've lost the desire to be crafty...and that's kinda sad my friends. So....here's hoping that 2011 is more of a crafty year than the past few years have been for me.

Day 7: Community - Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

Oh this is easy...my fellow BSM members (get your minds out of the gutters folks) are my online family. I love them....they are an amazing group of men and women (ok...mostly chicks) and fellow Pagans, Heathens, Witches, etc. They are the greatest support system that I have found in a long time and I wouldn't give them up for anything. I hope to forge a deeper connection with them over the next year...even hopefully meet some in person. :)

Day 8: Beautifully Different - Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different - you'll find that they are what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

I absolutely hate questions like this. I have this weird phobia of putting myself under a microscope and criticing myself for anyone....especially myself. But here's how it is....I consider myself a pretty cool person and a good friend. I'm caring, giving (sometimes too much) and very protective of those I love. I'm not going to go much more than that because, well, I can never come up with anything. I honestly have no clue what makes me "different" from anyone else. I know that I have some traits and qualities and morals that others don't....what those may be I have no earthly idea. I don't spend a lot of time analyzing those traits in others...I do my best to accept people for who/what they are. So why would I spend time analyzing myself. I just go out and do my thing and that's that. The end.

Day 9: Party - What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, clothes, drinks, and shenanigans. (Author: Shauna Reid)

I have a friend, he's an artist, photographer, writer and well...just plain awesome. I reached a point this year where I was just tired of not being creative in some way, shape or form. So...he helped to drag me out of my shell. He threw a couple of networking parties at a studio not to far from the city and he convinced me to come to them. The first one I went solo and had a fairly good time. Met some good people, had a couple drinks and then water (since I had to drive), laughed and snacked on finger foods. The second one I went to I took K with me. We had a blast. We danced, sang, ate and drank. She drank way more than me....again, I had to drive. But the point of it is....they were awesome gatherings of some amazing people. I met this girl at the second party and she is so full of that "joie de vivre" feeling it's insane. There was another guy there with a bike (like the old school bikes) and she wanted to ride it....so she did. Heels and all. And she had a blast doing it. There was another guy there with a motorcycle and she went for a ride with him on that too.....because she could. So did K....she couldn't resist. LOL. The thing is...they did these things in order to have fun. I want to work on being able to do things like that myself here in the next year. I don't want to be the shy wallflower that I've been practically my entire life. I want to come out of my shell more and be daring. I want to live....not just survive. Wait...what was the question? LOL

Day 10: Wisdom - What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Author: Susannah Conway)

Honestly...I'm still working on this one. I'll let you know how it goes :)

Friday, December 10, 2010

Reverb10: Days 3-5

Day 3: Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

I have sat here for about fifteen minutes and am quite ashamed to say that I honestly can't pinpoint one moment where I felt most alive this year. Not saying that I haven't had those moments....I just can't think of one specifically. There have been several of those "I feel so alive" moments for me. And sense I appreciate every single one of them I don't think it would be fair to blog about one over the other. Some of them involved being with my daughter, others my friends, one or two involved my cat. Others involved me and me alone. Over the past year I have learned not to take things for granted. Appreciate things in your life...no matter how small or insignificant. You don't know for sure how long you'll be around to enjoy them. Enjoy everything while you can....live with no regrets. Love without shame. There is no substitute for true joy.

Day 4: Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

I think I answered this in Day 1's post. Honestly though....once again I spent a lot of the year in wonder. Wondering about my life and the direction I want to take it. I have joined the 43things website in order to harness all those things that I would like to accomplish in my life. I'm also looking at completing several blog challenges in the coming year in order to harness a better understanding of my own life and why I do some of the things I do. I'm tired of doing the day to day routine. I'm honestly a bit bored with my life. If you would like to read more about me and the essence of the word Wonder....go back to Day 1...you'll see a bit more there.

Day 5: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

This year I did my absolute best to let go of negative people in my life. I realized that in order to improve the quality of my own life and to stop being so negative about my own decisions that I had to cut out the negativity in my life from outside sources. One person I have completely let go of and another I have minimized my contact with considerably. The one person I cut out completely was just too draining on my mental and emotional resources. She is a seriously co-dependant individual and needed constant validation on almost everything that she did. She would insist on hanging things that she did for me and my family over my head on a fairly consistent basis. I just reached a point where I couldn't deal with it anymore. So I quit dealing with it. We broke off the friendship after something she did negatively affected the well being of my child...that was the final straw for me. We talk occasionally through text messages. Nothing more involved than a "Hi, how are you?" but I've set down the ground rules in the fact that we will no longer be more than casual aquaintances. We're both happy with that.
The other person that I have let go of is someone that I'm still very close to. What I've let go of with this person is the way that their personal opinion on things impact me. This is someone that has something to say about everything and I used to let it bother me on a deep emotional level. I had become co-dependant on her for the longest time. And when I let go of the other person, I realized that I had some of the same attributes in myself that I had grown to dislike in the other person. So I put myself under the microscope. I realized that I wasn't being my own person...that I was allowing her opinions to have more hold over my thoughts than my own. I had to stop doing that.

It's a work in progress though....things like these take time you know.

Thursday, December 9, 2010


So....The Blue Faerie over at Dancing with a Spatula Wand is giving away the cutest crochet bluebird in existence. No, seriously...this little dude (Pedro is his name) is squee worthy! Look for yourself and see.....

You must check it out but don't enter....I want this little cutie for myself ;)

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The First Step

Well folks...I did it. I have created a public blog for my weight loss journey. It's pretty much bare bones right now but it's there. Yay me!

Over the next few weeks I'll spend some time here and there tinkering with it and making it pretty. I'll find some awesome stuff to put up there...I hope. LOL

You can feel free to follow me there if you want to....nothing will be happening until the 1st of January though.

Baby steps....deep breath...I can do this.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Reverb10: Days 1 & 2

Ok...here we go. I'm going to be playing catch up over the next few days and hopefully be completely caught up by the weekend.

Day 1: One Word...Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you're choosing that word. Now, imagine it's one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

To be completely honest, I have no idea what word would capture this year for me. But I think, if pressed to choose one, I would have to say Wonder.
I have spent a lot of time this year in thought. I have thought about my family and friends, my position in life, my job, my marriage, where I would like to go in the future, what I want to be when I grow up, things I would like to accomplish, stuff I want to do, places I want to go and things I want to see. My friend K and I often think of things that we would like to do and we have a phrase "Add it to the list". We need to actually write things down somewhere and have them somewhere we can see them so that we can actually start crossing things off that list. I have spent a lot of time wondering about the past, present and future this year. I have wondered if my religion (or rather my practice of it) is where it should be...it's not ya'll...not even close. I have spent a lot of time with this thing called Wonder.....it's time to actually make something of it.

By this time next year I would like to be able to say my word of the year is Create. I want to take all those things that I have been wondering about this year and put them into action...I want to be a lot more proactive in life. I'm 30 years old...and granted I've got a lot of years ahead of me (I would like to think so anyways) but unless I actually take some action and do something with my life, I will forever be wondering and never creating.

Here's to Creating!! What will you create?

Day 2: Writing...What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing -- and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)

I think the question here is what do I do each day that does contribute to my writing? LOL. No, seriously. I'm a "Sometimes Writer" And I just recently started on that trend here in the past few weeks. Well, since the whole NaNoWriMo thing happened. So, what do I do that doesn't contribute to my writing? Well...I work a full time job, I have spent way too much time on Facebook...but I love Facebook. I have culled a lot of the apps I used to do....only to find some new ones that I absolutely adore. Go figure. And I spend my days off doing errands and trying to keep the housework up. These are things that I can't necessarily eliminate...but what I need to do is practice better time management. I could schedule out my day from the time I wake to the end of the day. Block out periods of time dedicated to certain tasks. And I could schedule writing time in there with all the rest of the things that I would like to do. So yeah...there it is. I'll probably start that on the 1st along with everything else I'm going to do this coming year.

Look at me go....squirrel!!!

Reverb10...something new to try

I've signed up for something new today people. I've commited myself to this thing called Reverb10. What is it? It is: "an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what's next. Use the end of your year as an opportunity to reflect on what's happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead."

As usual...I'm about a week behind in this little endeavor. I'm usually a week behind for things like this. I was a week behind for the National Blogger's Month event, I've been a week or so behind for lots of other things too. This is what happens when I don't check on blogs every day like I should. Go me...Queen of Procrastination :)

So how does this work?? Well...from what I gather you are given a one word writing prompt every day for the month of December. There are some questions to help you focus on the direction of your daily entry and you get to write about it. Sounds pretty simple right? Ha...that's what they make you think. And that's just it...they make you think! You have to actually dig into the recesses of your brain/memory/thought process and really reflect on all the things that you've done over the course of the year.

Anyone else want to join me in this??? Sure would be fun to read what other people have to say about their year :) Let me know!!!

**I will start playing catch up tomorrow and hopefully get them all caught up no later than Friday**

Friday, December 3, 2010

I've been thinking....

This picture x2 is equivalent to the amount of extra weight I'm carrying around on my 5'7" frame. Ladies and gentlemen...the picture contains 104 sticks of butter weighing a grand total of 50 pounds. That's a lot of butter ya'll....a lot of butter. A lot of my friends find it hard to believe that I'm at least 100 pounds overweight, but I am. I've learned to hide it very well over the past 15 years. I wear large shirts, stand up as straight as I can so that my midsection looks longer than what it is, and I have a habit of crossing my arms around myself a lot. When I'm visiting somewhere that I'm not incredibly comfortable being and I'm forced to sit somewhere, inevitably there will be a couch pillow across my stomach hiding the fat rolls.

I detest going shopping for clothes. When I try on shirts I'm immediately drawn to the midsection and I turn and try to figure out how bad my fat sticks out or if it's disguised enough for me to actually purchase the shirt. Needless to say, I have very few cute shirts hanging up in my closet. And I would love to own cute clothes.

Now...I'm not saying that I'm dying to look like some runway model or a superstar or anything. That's ridiculous and flat out unrealistic unless someone has learned how to airbrush real fat cells off of live bodies. And I'm in no way willing to starve myself to become thin. I've already tried that route once in my life and it sucks. What I am saying is that I'm fed up with being overweight and I'm fed up with being unhealthy.

I'm tired of shopping for "plus size" clothes. I'm tired of spending more money on clothes because they cost more to make. I'm tired of my body aching because of the extra strain being put on it. I'm tired of my knees popping and my joints aching. I'm tired of being out of breath when I climb the simple 16 stairs that lead up to my apartment. I'm tired of not being able to play with my 4 year old godson in his backyard because I'm too tired and overweight. I'm tired of looks that I get from some people because of my weight. Even though most of the time I mentally tell them to F-off.

So...I've decided that on the 1st of January, this big girl is going to start another blog for my weight loss journey. The Tea Witch is going to shed this excess baggage so that she can live a healthier life. I'm not going to be doing this for anyone but myself.....for me, all for me. I want to be healthier. I want to be thinner and more fit. I want to be able to breath and run and play with kids. I want to be able to buy clothes and look at the clothes...not judge how well they hide the spare tire around my middle. I want to fully embrace the Goddess I really am. I have roughly three weeks to mentally prepare myself for this....and this time I WILL accomplish this goal.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Tis the Season....

for me to fall ill. It sucks and never fails. Every year right between fall and winter I get sick. No matter what it is...head cold, bronchitis, wanna rip out my nasal passages cause they are all stuffed up-itis. This year was no exception. Had a bout with a nasty head cold and then a week after that went away I came down with the local crud. Yeah...I was an absolute joy to be around.

Thankfully most of it cleared up before my mother and daughter came to visit for Thanksgiving...yay turkey and the wonderful ability of being able to taste stuff. I have a ton of leftovers and have every good intention of making yummy stuffs from them. Things like turkey and rice w/ gravy and turkey soup and possibly some other stuff. The family visit was awesome. The kiddo has grown like a weed in the few months since I've seen her and mom is as beautiful as ever. They will be back for Christmas....I'm very excited :)

Speaking of the wonderful holiday season...I'm itching to put up my decorations. Getting ready to pull out the tree and deck the halls. Woo hoo!!!

Oh..and as a side note....that NaNoWriMo thing killed me ya'll. Not even kidding. I lost the days over the weekend of Thanksgiving cause my family was here and we were too busy catching up for me to write. And I fell asleep and forgot to put in my words to validate. *sigh* But I did something....I wrote. More than I thought I would at first too. The story is nowhere close to being finished so I will continue to work on it till it is done. If for no other reason...than to say I finished something. Go me :)

Happy Wednesday all!!!!